"When we talk about preventing violence against women, we often make the mistake of thinking about how to help them defend themselves. Let's reverse the message: let's make it clear to men that they must not attack and insult women, that they must respect their autonomy, the beauty of their diversity and accept the possibility that ties are also broken unilaterally". So Fabio Roia, deputy president of the Court of Milan, expert on gender violence, today in an interview with Corriere della Sera.
It underlines the cultural roots of recent crimes such as those of Giulia Tramontano in Milan, seven months pregnant and killed by her boyfriend or policewoman Pierpaola Romano in Rome and hundreds of others who, every year, are killed at the hands of her partner or ex. "In our cultural context, the idea that women are something my property that I can get rid of is still encrusted. The imbalance of power in relations between the sexes is still strong. There is a change but it is slow, there has not yet been a breakthrough. Because the messages coming from society are conflicting." And Roia cites in the first place the communication of the media "which is not always correct when we talk about femicides, even in the choice of words: we still tend to want to find a justification, an extenuating circumstance to the man's gesture. And then, there is still no real social condemnation of violence: the one that is built in everyday life. For example, and I speak to my male "gender colleagues", reacting to sexist jokes or to all situations in which the woman is objectified.
A male chauvinist culture that the data confirm has not diminished with the generational change, says Roia to the newspaper: "The age range of those who commit these crimes ranges from 18 to 35 years. So even young people are transmitted the message of male dominance over women."
And when asked what advice can be given today to a woman who today finds herself living in a situation of hardship, Roia replies that the first is certainly "to turn to an anti-violence center where competent figures, lawyers and psychologists, are ready to listen: focusing on the problem, recognizing violence is the first step. Let's not forget that women who are victims often do not see it, indeed they belittle it because they are psychologically manipulated by a partner or a former abuser. They even take the blame, feel inadequate about something and blame themselves for the violence, physical or psychological, they suffer. The denunciation is, if necessary, a next step."
In this direction, "laws such as the "Red Code" have simplified procedures and shortened reaction times by the judiciary. And we know how crucial the time factor is to secure a woman who suffers violence. In fact, the data tell us that femicides of women who had previously filed complaints are decreasing. Attention, with this I do not want to shift the responsibility for crimes to women - which is and remains of men - but to emphasize that the tools of contrast have become more effective".
And given that often the crime takes place in a "last date" requested by the man, Roia advises that "when a toxic relationship breaks down it is good to avoid giving in to the request for a last meeting, first of all to avoid undergoing new psychological manipulations and also because behind a "I apologize we talk" because an ambush can be hidden».
Finally, when asked if there is still a lack of specialization on the part of the judiciary and law enforcement as had been denounced by the last report of the parliamentary commission on femicides denounced, Roia recalls that "things are improving: according to a report by the Superior Council of the Judiciary, we have magistrates specialized on violence in 90% of judicial principals . In short, the legislative instruments and international legislation - such as the Istanbul Convention - are there. What is missing, I do not tire of repeating, is cultural change: we should be more indignant about these tragedies and instead we are as addicted».