Eight weeks of Cringe Olympics with occasionally distantly reminiscent of model-themed competition moments are behind us. The obligatory confrontation with reality usually overtakes graduates of the "Heidi Klum Assessment Center for CEOs" (Catwalk Owning Models) only after the final. Then, when they discover the fine print of their contract and the initial euphoria leads to the realization that even as a finalist in Germany's most popular intercourse program for C-celebrities, you will not automatically be booked for Paris Fashion Week. This year, however, the Innovation Competence Team at ProSieben has apparently opted for the premature disillusionment of all participants and is sending six brand-new candidates into the race for the "Harper's Bazaar" cover and 400 inquiries from Berlin period underwear startups.
So, brand new now in the sense of: not been there before. Not in the sense of: very young. Five-sixths of the latecomers are so-called Best Ager models. Participants between Heidi Klum and Olaf Scholz. Or as Elsa, who was exmatriculated much too early in her main job as a wild fox testimonial, would say: "Five sixths? That's almost half!" Real fur wearer or not: For the founding members of the squadron, the sudden appearance of new competitors is an almost as cold shower as the last state elections for the FDP.
Outraged top performers
Comprehensible. After model dream wrecking ball Heidi Klum had already raced her entourage of hopeful new influencers from 29 to 13 in record time, the remaining best of the year already saw themselves as successors of last year's winner (well, who still knows the name?) Lou-Anne Gleissenebner. For Mirela, Selma, Anja, Somajia, Vivien, Cassy, Olivia, Nina, Leona, Katherine, Ida, Anna-Maria and Coco, 6 April 2023 is basically like 25 November 2017 for BVB fans. You lead 4-0 at half-time - and then go home with a 4-4. Anya, the Lucien Favre of the model villa, is accordingly indignant: "that's unfair, because we have already performed." Well, if you got credits for the future for achievements from the past, David Hasselhoff would already have 32 Oscars.
Heidi's official Denglish correspondent Thomas Hayo will take over the training camp for the newly transferred new star players Marielena, Zuzel, Maike, Charlene, Nicole and Ina. Equipped with a camera and a groove, he receives the sextet in Munich. By the way, a groove is not the technical term if Donald Trump were an opera singer, but a photo background that avoids spatial lines. In order to avoid the fact that I, as chairwoman of the Thomas Hayo Fanclub Berlin Charlottenburg, bring the following painful gag: "no matter how much black Thomas Hayo wears, Alice wears black man", the inventor of attitude rhetoric wears something blue for the first time in 18 years of GNTM history. Crazy times. What's next? In the final, a real top model is chosen?