I've had some strange fights on the street. Once a man stood in my way on a bike path because he thought it was not a bike path. I stopped, we discussed, then I wanted to continue on the bike path – and he pushed me. Another time, an elderly gentleman came towards me on the sidewalk. It was pouring rain, and because I had held the umbrella low in my face, I didn't see his dog until he was standing right in front of me. "The lady doesn't see anything!" the man yelled at me as if I had just committed a capital crime.

Kim Maurus

Volunteer.

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For a long time, every time after such encounters I had the feeling that I had done something fundamentally wrong, while at the same time I was extremely angry about the behavior of the other. How can this guy allow himself to yell at me like that, just like that? I didn't do anything, and there is no problem at all! These people, I got into it, are united by the hatred of me and my way of moving in traffic.

But of course that's nonsense. Meanwhile, I have a theory about all the joyless figures you meet on the asphalt: No one in his right mind yells at other people without cause, especially in situations where there is absolutely no danger to life and limb. The shouting on the street is not really dedicated to me.

The anger only transmits

I think it's more of an outlet for other resentment: for example, because the working day went badly or the child is ailing for the eighth time in three months, or because you're just in a bad mood. A cyclist like me comes just in time to let the pressure out. The private anger, coupled with the illusion that they know better than me, is simply too much. I don't think they mean it badly. It just overcomes them.

Of course, such encounters are still not pretty. I've often called back, discussed, even given the middle finger when it really upset me – nothing I'm proud of. And above all, nothing that brings anything: indignation is overestimated. The anger only transmits, I am not only angry with the other, but secretly also with myself, and make myself part of the problem.

That's why I'm now pursuing a completely opposite strategy. It breaks with the habit of responding to outrage with indignation. Of course, it doesn't always work, and I can't say exactly whether it sometimes annoys my counterpart even more. But I don't get angry anymore and save a lot of life energy.

I couldn't blame myself at all.

The first time I tried them was when I was riding my bike again and turned into a park. A woman at the park entrance shouted at me: "There is no bike path here!" That was not true, there was no prohibition sign to be seen far and wide. Of course I could have told her that. I could also have asked her what bothers her so much about the fact that I am moving here – completely harmless – several meters away from her. And why it upsets her so much that she rebukes me in this tone.

But I didn't feel like it at that moment. I didn't want their anger. And that's why I beamed at her unironically, as warmly as possible, and said: "I wish you a nice day too!" She did not answer, she seemed irritated. And then I was already too far away by bike to read further reactions from her face. But I felt downright sublime at that moment – I hadn't stumbled into the swamp of complainers, I had simply remained friendly, even if my tone sounded as fake as that of a call center agent. I couldn't blame myself at all.

I can therefore only recommend this procedure to you, dear readers. Stay friendly! When your traffic critics call you an idiot or an asshole, say, "I'm sorry you think that way!" If they want you "out of the way", just wish you a "pleasant afternoon!" or say goodbye with: "Do it well!" Just don't let yourself be on your angry counterpart. Your words will do the other person good, you will of course confuse him, perhaps annoy him briefly – but you will also show him how disproportionately mischievous his whole appearance was. And you can also soften the screaming neck – who knows if thanks to you it was not the first kind words he hears that day.