When you come of age, many things happen for the first time. Driving. Tattoo. Just in time for the 18th season, with which "Gemany's Next Topmodel" reaches sexual maturity, a premiere is also on the Klum house. For the first time, the season does not open with exuberant bulletins about how sensational the time in the catwalk boarding school will be. But with a kind of damage-limiting rehabilitation documentary. More passionately than Heidi Klum defends her casting life's work, not even the FDP throws itself in front of the combustion engine. She devotes eleven minutes to the increasingly louder accusations.

Traditionally illuminated by a spotlight myriad, Klum enlightens the nation with a serious look about the recently hotly debated alleged misdemeanours of her family show for career-oriented influencer trainees: "It is difficult for many girls to see themselves on television. That's why many regret one or two things they said." In the background you can subtly hear original sounds by Lijana Kaggwa. The 2020 finalist had claimed that female candidates had been continuously manipulated during filming. Investigative reporter Klum vehemently denies this – and even asserts: "We don't saw any shoes". I can confirm that. At GNTM, only the egos of the participants are sawn.

To underline how uncompromisingly Pro Sieben cares about the dignity of GNTM applicants, the first sentence of a candidate this year is: "You can see the whole ass." Long-term fans of the annual Klum Festival briefly startle: Is Peyman Amin back on the jury? But the all-clear. The core jury consists again this year of Heidi Klum, Heidi Klum and Heidi Klum.

A first highlight already in the first episode

Even before you learn the first names of the fellow students of the TV Academy for catwalk novices, the GNTM God already gives us the first highlight of the entire season: Heidi Klum does not sing the title song this year. Many singing teachers had Scala Vestibuli, Scala Tympani and Ductus Cochlearis removed after "Chai Tea With Heidi", Klum's foray into the hip-hop scene last year. These are not the planned names of the next Ochsenknecht children, but the three courses of the cochlea. This is responsible for the hearing sensation in the inner ear.

When it finally starts, candidate Cassy succeeds with a green catsuit, on which she has had "HMD" printed. At first, it remains unclear what "HMD" is supposed to mean. "Heidi makes you stupid" maybe. Cassy describes herself as a rather panicked contemporary: "I have a fear of flying, fear of heights, claustrophobia and a spider phobia." The Grand Slam for a place on the podium of the GNTM Howl Olympiad. And the perfect prerequisite for a follow-up exploitation in the jungle camp.

With 28 other candidates, the debut episode goes directly to the first challenge. A catwalk show for designer Peter Dundas. Dundas (as always a refreshing mix of Howard Carpendale, Kurt Krömer and Stefan Raab) does not skimp on unpleasant instructions ("Can you walk faster for Papa"), but still wins the hearts of the girls. Katherine, for example, enthuses: "It's great that he gives instructions. Now I know which direction to go on the catwalk." That is important. Nobody hires models who suddenly turn right on the catwalk, trip over the spectators and then smash against the wall of the house. It's easy to get lost on the catwalk. And navigation devices are rarely allowed.

Zoey brings almost existentialist talents with her: "I come into the room and then I'm there." I hope she stays around long enough to present us with more blockbuster skills: "I say something and then you hear it," for example. Other candidates, on the other hand, want to score points about their size. If I had drunk a schnapps every time it was mentioned that Emilia was 1.94 meters tall, I would have ended up in the emergency room with cirrhosis of the liver before the first commercial break.

On the way to the Final Walk, Heidi Klum's convertible classic from the 60s also ends her first career. Cassy comments on the breakdown with: "Stupid, but happens with classic cars." Heidi Klum "Oldtimer", so she has probably already issued her return ticket. Dieter Bohlen of the model industry is slightly annoyed by the convertible fiasco during the decision walk in destruction mode. Judgments such as "sleeping pill", "robot", "limping" or "too stiff" are made. Sounds like the tracklist of a new Rammstein album, but is the harbinger of an unprecedented saw-off. Four girls are already being sent home today. Shocked, Cassy makes the Neymar backstage, collapses dramatically and lets himself be massaged with calf cramps for minutes. At home on TV, Arjen Robben murmurs appreciatively: "Respect!"

Sarah has completely different problems. She fears pelvic disqualification: "I used my hip even though they told us not to use our hip." Using the hip, although the bosses had forbidden it, is said to have had very unpleasant consequences even in large publishing houses. Even worse it is actually only Somajia. Heidi Klum attests to her: "I missed pep in your step."

The evening ends after three and a half hours – and more commercial breaks than goals conceded at Schalke 04 – with the realization that Elsa speaks English about as well as Heidi Klum sings. And that already in episode one the top model student IDs of Ana, Elisabeth, Indira and Alina are confiscated again. Four out of 29 candidates are sorted out. Almost 15 percent. If Heidi Klum continues to swing the photo hatchet so mercilessly, it's a faster finale than ex-juror Thomas Hayo can say "Attitude". The only thing that is clear so far is that there is no final next week. I will report anyway. Until then!